Why Are You In Your Marriage?

image coutesy divorceanewstart.com/

It is only a myth that Indian Marriages are like the perfect case studies, which are taught and sold throughout the world.  People project marriages as something like a scratch-proof, metallic flower vase.  Beautiful, complete, unshakable, unbreakable and always so alive as the flowers in it.  Its such a myth. Its a myth for a majority of couples.  The people successful in marriages are the one's who are really smart, street smart.  They know its like a game, play it.  The one's who put their heart and mind and especially their mind in the unfolding of this intricate relationship, realise that it is based on inequalities, bias, exploitation.

Why do I say so, you will wonder? Or do you really wonder? Or you know it. But keep quiet just like others.

The biggest problems with Indian marriages is that we want to save the marriage at any cost.  Mind you at any cost.  First it would be you or your spouse trying to save it. 

Reasons vary, if its love, then its worth it, give it a million tries.  But mostly, its not true; the reasons are social reputation, "what will the people say?"  "His wife ran away?" "Her Husband dumped her? huh! may be she deserved it". 

Financial issues. Professionally unemployed women (women work their ass off as homemakers also) are insecure about their future and moreover, parents mostly try to shun their responsibility of caring for a daughter who has come back to her maternal house.  If you have a married brother, then know it girl, you are not wanted at all. 

Emotional issues. I have seen a woman, who knew her husband is cheating her and did not want her anymore, she clinged to him because she said she loved him! You know I was really aghast, how can you love someone who says "I hate you, don't come close to me".  I cannot understand this.

Now finally if a couple makes up their mind to separate out, there comes the great Indian Rishtedars, with band-baja, and rona-dhona and darana- dhamkana. Sorry for this, this is my natural flow of words, I mean then the relatives jump in using everything from emotions to threat to save the marriage somehow.  It is such a thing, which I fail to understand.  If the couple has to live with each other, making each other's life a living hell, then why, just why do these people have to come there to save the home, save the family, save the tradition, save the honour of the Khandan (is there an English word for this?!!!!).  At the end of the day, the couple has to deal with it.

But, there is only one soft point here, an individual whose words, emotions, feelings should be cared for, the children produced by the marriage.  Yes, children have the right to happiness and undivided love of their parents.  A couple should work hard towards making their kids life emotionally secure and balanced, I truly believe in it.

image courtesy blog.invitingsmiles.com

But tell me, can children be the only factor to be in a marriage?  Should a couple stay together because they don't want their children to go through  the trauma of choosing between one of the parents?  Should a woman stay in a marriage, a dead marriage, an emotionless marriage, and unequal marriage, because she does not want her children to cry?  What do you say? 

Should an individual be first a parent, then a man or a woman?  Does any right on our life, on our happiness, our desire, our wish left with us, when we are parents, the responsible parents of young children, who need our love and support to grow up right.  Then, does that mean that you should forget that you are experiencing a living hell, a humiliating life, a f&*%$d up life and just live on for your children? What do you say? What does an Indian say, I want to hear? Just what do you feel about it - is saving the marriage at any cost and thereby being the great example for generations to follow, is what one should do? Please do let me know.  I really want to hear this.......

RESTLESS (really I am!)

(This is the series of posts I am writing on women issues in India, see the label "Women Issues That Baffle Me" on this blog, to read more)